a book for those who seek God

The watchman has found the biography of Mrs. Robinson very useful in training him to seek God and to listen to the Holy Spirit. Here is a sample of the book, which is free online for download. 

https://sites.google.com/site/radiantglory/radiantglory-contents

(Radiant Glory - the life of Martha Wing Robinson)

 

Radiant Glory - chapter 22
 

CHAPTER XXII


IN GOD’S TRAINING SCHOOL

NOW THAT MRS. ROBINSON had no ministerial responsi­bilities she gave herself entirely to prayer and waiting on God. “I thank God for a good day today, the well of water springing up,” she notes in her journal for July 18. “O Lord, how blessed! Very quiet in my experience just now. In one of the still, waiting places.” 
Then she goes on to review the work God has been doing in her soul since her baptism in the Spirit and the beginning of her time in Toronto: 
“As I look over my experiences dating from first entry in this book, or rather date of its first writing, I realize that certain work has been done in me. I seem to have become quite—wholly—separated from the world. It seems to have dropped back somewhere down below me, and I am stand­ing in a higher plane of God looking down at it, and it looks so small and eternity so great. The world has nothing to offer me. But I am not free from my old self-life. It seems sometimes as if there has been no death at all. I have been so rebellious under difficulty—my whole flesh protesting. O God, let me die faster. 
“O God, get me down lower. O, I realize You have been answering my prayers for death to self by prunings and leadings hard to understand, and I have shrunk under the knife. God, help me stand still and let Thee cut off every thing. Perhaps I don’t realize what I ask, but that doesn’t matter; it is what I need and Thy grace is sufficient. Help me to appropriate Thy help. I know You could not trust me with much blessing or success in my work. O God, bring me to the place where You can trust me. 
“If I record my failures, I would not fail to record God’s mercies. He provides for our needs steadily, quite outside of the hail work. Has sent us ten dollars twice lately from outside the city, also small amounts from unexpected sources in city. 
“July 20. Yesterday, the 19th, was a blessed day. In the morning I awakened with pain in the part of the body where I have had so much weakness and so little victory for two or three years, but especially the last year. But this time for the first time I claimed healing, positive, complete, uncon­ditional healing. I had assurance that it was to come and thought at first the victory was right there. Today I have had a severe and unusual testing in my body, but instead of making me question, I am able to stand quite still and am positive God has undertaken my perfect healing. This test­ing and symptoms is only a passing incident. 
“In afternoon I went to East End, but first thought it best to go to buy a pair of shoes. Three months ago I said I must have some at once as these I have would soon be worn out; but they are today almost as good as then— (‘have waxed not old’)—and yesterday, first time I could buy any, I felt impressed to go then and found a shoe sale on and got them at extraordinarily low price. An incident of God’s care in little things. 
“I then went down to East End, found them in the middle of prayer service. Praise God, Harry went under the power of God and lay for four hours, as he expressed it, ‘in the arms of the Lord.’ Oh, I am so thankful to see him coming through to blessing. 
“And I am waiting on God to perfect His work in me, to make me meek and lowly in spirit, fill me with love and patience. I do fail so dreadfully; I am so full of myself. I sometimes seem to get worse instead of better. Again I see that it is that I see myself more plainly. Well, the work is in God’s hands. 
“July 22. No chastening at present seemeth to be joyous. Verily, no, but may it yield the peaceable fruit of righteous­ness! It seems as if there has come on me a fixed sadness from the chastening God has permitted in my life, but I know ‘joy cometh in the morning.’ Perhaps this is to subdue and quiet me and get me in my place. 
“Yesterday spent day with Harry at East End. Quite a wonderful day all day. In evening had odd experience. Mrs. Hebden asked me to speak. There was considerable emotionalism in room to begin with. As I spoke, I came under power of the Spirit and spoke in tongues and also shook, though I don’t know that I did so visibly; and it seemed to me as if the whole audience were in the midst of a rustling wind, and I were talking above the wind. All the time I was speaking I felt this way. 
“Today came home and stopped at Marlatts’ and had dinner, and in afternoon Margie Davidson came in, and George was home and Mr. Marlatt, and we had a season of prayer and such blessing. 
“O God, I am still before Thee, not yet of service, still under the pruning knife. I ask Thee to enable me to keep humble and keep sweet no matter what the circumstances are. I have a rebellious spirit against injustice along certain lines. I cannot bear to be blamed for well-doing or to be mis­understood, or misjudged. Oh, if I were dead to myself these things would not hurt. Make me dead, my Lord and my God.” 
This conflict between the Spirit and her self-life Mrs. Robinson elucidated and elaborated upon in a letter to her sister Nettie, written sometime during July. In this epistle she explained the relation of this struggle to the heart-cleansing she had received the previous December: 
“Looking back these ... months, since my baptism, I real­ize keenly that I have been in God’s training school, and I have been a slow pupil. ... God seems to give according to our capacity. My capacity to receive was limited, and the Holy Ghost came in as a teacher to enlarge and develop me. ... 
“Now, there are two kinds of works of the flesh, the carnal nature or inbred sin to be cleansed by the blood of Jesus, and the self-life, which is a terrible enemy. In the third chapter of Philippians Paul says, ‘If any man might have confidence in the flesh,’ he could, and goes on to tell of his good birth, education, righteousness of the law, zeal in religion, etc. It is as if a man now boasted of a good, clean ancestry, educa­tion, abilities, moral, clean life, etc., and Paul calls these things of the flesh. And what does he say? He counted them as dung that he might win Christ. 
“Oh, there is much of the flesh, of self, left in one when one is cleansed of sin. All the abilities, powers, independence, ‘righteousness,’ self-sufficiency, self-wisdom, stand in the way of the perfect work of the Spirit so long as we lean on them. It is these things that have to be ‘crucified,’ not our ‘sins.’ Our own opinions so wise, our own plans, our own ways—all so wise and sensible and better than anyone’s else have to be laid down. This is what Paul meant when he said ‘I die daily.’ 
“I do not mean that these things, good birth, etc., of themselves are wrong, but the self-sufficiency, self-confi­dence, self-wisdom, that grow out of these good things have to be laid down, crucified. We have to become as little children. It is this teaching in the Bible that has led to the erroneous idea of slow cleansing from sin. No, the Holy Ghost wants a clean vessel to come into, but He will come into a most imperfect, warped, crooked, leaky old affair and begin to develop, carve, mould, and teach until we are vessels of honor. 
“My self-life was, I believe, a worse enemy than my carnal nature. By God’s goodness, no dreadful heritage was upon me of immorality, or terribly bad disposition, etc., though I needed just as much the blood of Jesus to cleanse as any drunken sot who lives before I could become pleasing to God. But this very ‘tendency to righteousness,’ moral good­ness, helped to develop in me a strong self-life,—a self-suffi­ciency, self-wisdom, self-pride, independence, self-confi­dence—what a mess for the Holy Ghost to get rid of. And until our self is out of the way, He never can work freely and fully. 
“The first few weeks of His indwelling was a battle be­tween the Spirit and this flesh until I could learn what was in the way and get my will on God’s side, to have this self-life die. And, oh, since the death has been a real crucifixion, what a pruning and cutting has had to take place! What humiliations and visions of myself! What emptiness and weakness and yet blessing and growth. And what a tre­mendously tenacious life there still is in my flesh! 
“How this hydra-headed self seems to be quite conquered, dead, and I am passive in God’s hands, and He is working so sweetly and all is going His way, and there seems preci­ous victory for Him, and then, alas, up pops in some unex­pected place one of those awful heads of self, and there is, I discover, some of my own self-energy, or planning, or opin­ions, or pride, or desire, getting in the way of the Holy Spirit. And I needs must get down in the Valley of Humiliation and let God cut off this projection. The chief growth I see is the willingness to have the pruning knife upon me no matter how it hurts. I no longer ‘kick against the pricks.’ 
“Well, no doubt, if there were less self-life, the Holy Ghost would have been poured out in greater power. I have con­fidence in God that He will perfect that which concerneth me, and that the time will come that not only will I have the ‘well of water springing up into everlasting life’ (which I now have, praise His name), but the flow shall be so strong and the channel so free and unimpeded by self that ‘rivers of living waters’ shall flow out for the good of others. Sometimes I say, ‘O Lord, how long!’ but yet I know He is working as fast as I can receive.  
“Another thing—I supposed when I was cleansed there would be restored my old passion for souls, love and joy and peace. Then, when I learned that this was not so, I supposed the Baptism of the Holy Ghost would mean an instantaneous life of love, of passion for souls, an outflowing in power to others. Not so in my case because of the reasons just given. 
“Love, joy, peace, meekness, etc., are fruits of the Spirit, and they develop in our lives according to the workings of the power within us. It is a growth, a development at best, but some receive such a wonderful inpouring of the Spirit, and the fruit is more quickly manifest. Little by little my love for sinners has grown. Peace is beginning to ‘flow as a river.’ Love for others is beginning to manifest itself in me. I can feel my heart go out more and more for others. I am not very meek yet. I think that is my worst failing. And yet, I can see that God’s hand is upon me continuously, and in spite of failure and weakness there is growth. Oh, to become absolutely passive in His hands. 
“And yet in the midst of it all, this well of water springing up is most wonderful. The wonderful, wonderful experiences I have alone with my Lord. The communion, the worship— I never grow weary of being alone. The speaking in tongues alone is such a wonderful self-edification, I would hardly know how to worship God without [it]. In fact, I never in my life truly ‘worshipped’ God until the Holy Ghost within me became my Teacher. I haven’t time to write now of some of the wonderful times I have, the singing in tongues, etc., when my soul goes right up to [the] gates of Heaven. 
“But now, do you see the difference between cleansing and developing? ... I cannot say, as I do not know, that the only hindrance to a powerful, instantaneous work of the Spirit is the self-life, but it is one hindrance, that is certain.” 
Then Mrs. Robinson adds a practical word of help for her sister’s personal experience: 
“Yet don’t make the mistake of thinking there must be a long time of pruning and purging and cleansing and so forth before you can receive the Holy Spirit. All God wants is an undivided heart and perfectly surrendered life. Give Him that and trust Him to speedily give you the Holy Spirit, for until you have the Holy Spirit in you there is much of aban­donment and development impossible to learn. 
“And yet, to boil all this down, it is simply Jesus. Are you seeking righteousness, sanctification? He is our righteous­ness, our wisdom, our sanctification, our redemption. (See I Cor. 1:30 especially.) If we seek Jesus more and more, and more and more, a personal relation with Himself, we come into Him and He into us, and the cleansing, and purging, and pruning goes on almost unknown to ourselves. 
“We do need to be definite in our consecration. But after that, don’t keep looking at yourself. Look at Jesus. 

Since my eyes were fixed on Jesus,

I’ve lost sight of all beside;

So entranced my spirit’s vision,

Looking at the Crucified.

All for Jesus, All for Jesus,

All for Jesus crucified.

You know the song. It can become a living reality. 2 Cor­inthians, 3rd Chapter, verse 18 (R.V.) says, ‘But we all with unveiled faces, reflecting as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are transformed into the same image from glory to glory.’ 
“If we looked at Jesus more, and ourselves, and our friends, and our trials, and our failures, and conditions of life, and the world, and flesh, and devil, less, we would reflect His image more and more, and the hardness, and impurity, and temper, and selfishness would fade away, and there would be tender­ness, and purity, and gentleness, and love just take their places—changing from glory to glory. 
“This is why He requires closet prayer. This is why we need to get still before Him and listen to His voice, get into His presence. If we listened to Him more, looked to Him in stillness more, and chattered to Him less, we would get the sense of His presence better. 
“Whenever you can, take a few minutes of just waiting on Jesus, not necessarily praying, but just waiting, looking into His face, desiring His presence. At first, you may not seem to receive much, but if you take every opportunity, presently your soul will hunger for Him, and the sweetness of Himself will come to you, and you will get like lovers—rather slip away with Him just for a minute or two than talk or read or rest or eat. And when you are tired, or rushed, or nervous, a few minutes with him in the stillness of His presence will rest you more than anything in the world. ‘If any man thirst, let him come to Me,’ Jesus said. You are thirsty for righteous­ness, for a work to be done in you. But you must have the righteousness of Christ. See Phil. 3:9. 
“Don’t bother your head as to the details of being so clothed upon. After a square look at yourself and a real consecration, you are a vessel in God’s hands and you can just enjoy Jesus. Take all the time you have, all the thought you have, all the energy you have to spare, and follow on to know Jesus, Jesus! He will supply all your need. In your hurrying life, you cannot split hairs. Let God have His way. Ask Him to make you hungry and thirsty for Jesus, and give Him the chance to answer by getting into His presence every oppor­tunity you have, and He will give the victory along every line. 
“I have learned in prayer to do less talking than I used [to]. We rush into God’s presence too boldly and irrever­ently. If, when we go to prayer, we would just take time in the beginning to get quiet in soul, to be still before Him, to seek to get into a sense of His presence, to reverence Him, and then, when we do speak, first thank and praise Him when we did offer our petitions, we would not so often have the feeling of their falling back on our heads unanswered, but we would pray ‘through.’ 
“Often when I have a burden on me until it seems as if I can hardly stand it until I get before the Lord alone, and I expect to just lay my difficulties before Him in detail and with earnest supplication, when I follow this method of prayer, by the time I have felt His presence and felt His touch, and praised Him, I have just a sweet time of worship, and when I get up, I think, ‘Why, I never told the Lord about that at all,’—and I just don’t need to; the burden is gone, the problem is solved, and I know He has undertaken for me. 
“Not that we never need to supplicate, because we do, but not so often as we sometimes think. But we need far more waiting on God than we have. 
Returning to her diary, under date of July 24, Mrs. Robin­son writes of some personal ministry the Lord gave her at this time: 
“Called yesterday at Mrs. L—’s. Found them in quandary over their little girl, Emily, thirteen years of age. She is under great spiritual conviction, and no one seems to be able to help her. Mrs. L— wanted to send for me, but Mr. L— was rather afraid of my teaching. Then Mrs. L— said she would pray that I would come if it was God’s will; so in I walked. This led them to present the child’s case very earnestly to me. Oh, may God use me for her. 
“Last night, went to Elder Brooks’ meeting, and on way home had a long talk with George. Am holding him very earnestly before the throne. 
“July 25. Lord, plant my feet on higher ground. God needs to do this indeed. Truly I am on a low plane. For some time I have asked God for discernment of spirits. Twice lately God has shown me an evil spirit in a person. The other day as I was seeking most earnestly for discernment—power to know spirits—the thought came suddenly to me: ‘Do you know what you are asking for? The power to discern demons must necessarily include the power to cast them out. That means taking unto one’s self an authority under embarrassing circumstances at times.’ I asked God to bring me up to my own prayer. 
“Then this morning I prayed again along this line. I felt so greatly the need of being able to understand what things are prompted by God in the demonstrative meetings. We came down to prayer—we were at East End. 
“While we were at prayer, a drunken man came in and fell down on his knees and went to weeping and begging God’s mercy. As we were praying for him, I was led to pray; and as I did so my prayer changed, and in tongues, as has happened once or twice before, I began to rebuke the evil spirit in him. A strong impression came over me to rise and command the demon to go out; but I wavered. I felt the words just coming out of me, and I felt so strong. But all sorts of things came into my mind, principally how H— would take it, also Mrs. H—. H— is very fearful of my presuming in any way, so I argued with the Lord. Finally I said, ‘I believe it is a demon.’ 
“Immediately the Holy Spirit spoke through me, ‘It is a demon.’ Then again I felt I should just rise and command the demon to depart; but I let the moments go by, and the power passed. Then I said, ‘Lord, what must I do? Is it really a demon?’ and the Spirit said through me over and over, ‘It is. It is. It is. It is,’ and I still wavered until great convic­tion came over me, and I could only weep. Then I prayed aloud and asked God to forgive my cowardice, and I was all broken up and would have then commanded the demon to go, but the power was gone by. And the man changed in his spirit. 
“My handbag was lying there, and he must have caught sight of it—poor, weak, miserable sinner; and he took it and slipped out while I was weeping over my weakness. Served me right, too, that the demon got ahead of me so. 
“Well, I am praying God to convict the sinner and to re­turn the bag. God help us all to be more fit for God to use. I have asked God, instead of withdrawing His answer to my prayers, to strengthen me with a holy boldness until I am strong enough to bear and honor the answer to my prayers. 
“In spite of the failure, I was wonderfully blessed all day and strengthened in the inner man. In evening, was doused with cold water and a cloud came, but God permits me to have this kind of chastening still. 
“July 26. Cloud still hanging, but I see victory coming in my son1. I am better able than I was to be misunderstood and wrongfully accused and just keep silence. I do not have such a rebellious rising and resistance in me for sell-justifi­cation. ‘Love suffereth long and is kind.’ 
“O God, make me dead, not to care what anyone thinks. I find I have to live separated unto God, in everything. My great difficulty is in letting others press me into not following the exact leading of the Spirit by arguing with me that my leadings are mistaken, that I am presumptuous in assuming to have any clear leadings. 
“I have not had the baptism of fire. Jesus was to baptize with the Holy Ghost and fire. I don’t know what it all means but I want the whole promise, and I ask for the baptism of fire. I know I am cold, hard, stiff. I need burning, melting, softening, refining in God’s crucible. I need to be burned up. God, give me the fire, the fire. Why should I stop short of the fulfillment of the whole promise? I ask the baptism of fire. O God, work out in me Thy perfect will. O, make me what I ought to be. 0 Lord, I give up to Thee. Thou art too wonderful for me. 
“July 27. Yesterday, a day of blessing. In the afternoon a rich anointing of praise and joy and laughter and songs in tongues. The blessed experience stayed with me into a time of great rest and peace in the evening. I seemed floating on billows of calm. 
“Today God seems to have made the way open and plain for me to wait on Him. ‘Sitting at the feet of Jesus.’ Oh, how much we need to do that! God is working something out in me. I have that sense of being in His training school. 
“Sometimes His workings seem so plain. Again I just have to stand still and trust. I am persistently holding before Him my plea to know His will. He is teaching me in many ways, letting me have strong impressions to do things that are not His will and then closing every door to show me I am wrong. I was puzzled at first, but I believe now that He is making me to measure the difference between impressions and lead­ings. As I go to school, I learn my lessons one by one. 
“This is coming plain—to know the mind of God we must be free from our own mind. He literally has to think through us. In order to get the mind of God, we must get our thoughts off everything else that would influence. Conditions, advice, opinions, impressions, inclinations, desires, feelings, all laid down, emptied out; then with a blank mind get into a still­ness before God and let Him either positively speak, which He does sometimes, or drive home a definite, steady, positive, clear-cut conviction. 
“I also learn that one must be very wary of strong im­pressions. They may be from God; but when we have them we should stand still, get still before God, empty out before Him, get His mind. If the impression is from God, it will deepen, strengthen and grow into a clear, steady, unmistak­able conviction. With such a leading one can stand fast in the face of all opposition. 
“And this is the third lesson. One must stand fast. Deny a leading, falter, waver, or question, after having seen a thing clearly and positively, serves to throw us into confusion and doubt that hinders us from getting God’s will next time. He will not waste His blessing. If we receive clear leadings from Him, He will have us obey them, or He will not give them. 
“Fourth, it takes great patience. God isn’t in a hurry. Eternity’s years are His. He will not let us hurry Him. The very first requisite for getting His voice is to get quiet, to be patient. All restlessness, anxiety, haste, uneasiness stand in the way. God moves in a great calm. He doesn’t speak to the inner ear of man by whirlwinds and earthquakes. He has His messages in these. But to the child of God He speaks gently, in a still, small voice. There must be stillness—stillness of the soul—to meet Him and hear that voice; there must be faithfulness, and obedient faithfulness, to get still and stand still until God does speak. 
“Our God is a jealous God. If we don’t give Him all of our obedience, He will not give us of the priceless, deeper treas­ures that come to a perfectly surrendered life. And if there is an inclination on our part to run away from His presence and get weary of waiting for His voice, He withholds the blessing. Or rather, it is only by that patience and that wait­ing that our spirit gets in that touch with God that tunes the inner ear to His voice. God moves in great harmonies. This stillness and waiting and patience and submission tunes every discordant chord of our being into harmony with His; and when He touches us with His divine finger, whispers to us from His divine knowledge, the tuned chords respond, and we have His mind in us. 
“O gracious Father, put me into harmony with Thee. Take away every discordant note of my own choice, and let Thy mind control mine—’every thought brought into captivity.’
“Sometimes in so waiting upon God, perhaps for days, for some clear leading as to our path of duty, we are confused by many impressions and even by doors opening in such an unexpected manner we take them to be of God. But this is our testing. Satan is always busy seeking whom he may de­vour and never more so perhaps than when a child of God is at the feet of Jesus asking for direction. God never works aimlessly. And Satan knows no matter how simple or per­sonal a matter it is, God’s decision will be one that will hurt the kingdom of darkness. To deflect the child of God by any possible means from entering upon that path, therefore, is Satan’s aim. And knowing he cannot tempt to disobedience, he will, if possible, coming as an angel of light, draw the child of God by deceptive leadings, impressions, or conditions into the wrong paths. 
“God high over all permits this testing. In His great eternal calm He, looking at the troubled soul, sees further than the present emergency. He knows if He is too merciful it will never learn the lesson of hearing His voice, that the battle will strengthen, not weaken. And even if there should be failure and temporary victory on the part of Satan, experience—painful though it may be—will be the teacher to bring that impatient soul to a better understanding of God’s dealings with His children. The lesson once learned, then God has an instrument in His hand to whom He can communicate His will,—to be worked out in the obedience of an absolutely yielded, human will. 
“Oh, better to stand the testings and suffer the failure, even, than to give up and stand on the lower plane of a servant, walking in ignorance. As His friends we have a right to know what He doeth, and only to His friends, those who are in intimate, personal relation to Himself, can He give this knowledge.”

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Days after Quakes and Tsunami: “Never Let me Go”

A sixty year old Japanese man was rescued from a piece of floating roof after two days. He told the rescuers that he had lost his wife.



The watchman once got to know someone through sharing the same interest of reading books written by Kazuo Ishiguro . Here are some quotes from Kazuo Ishiguro. The excerpts are from “Never let me go” (2005) and “The remains of the day” (winner of the Booker Prize, 1989)


Quotes_____________

“I keep thinking about this river somewhere, with the water moving really fast. And these two people in the water, trying to hold onto each other, holding on as hard as they can, but in the end it’s just too much. The current’s too strong. They’ve got to let go, drift apart. That’s how it is with us. It’s a shame, Kath, because we’ve loved each other all our lives. But in the end, we can’t stay together forever.” (Never Let me go)

”Memories, even your most precious ones, fade surprisingly quickly. But I don’t go along with that. The memories I value most, I don’t ever see them fading.”

“You say you’re sure? Sure that you’re in love? How can you know it? You think love is so simple? “

“The evening’s the best part of the day. You’ve done your day’s work. Now you can put your feet up and enjoy it.”

“Sometimes I get so immersed in my own company, if I unexpectedly run into someone I know, it’s a bit of a shock and takes me a while to adjust.”

“What can we ever gain in forever looking back and blaming ourselves if our lives have not turned out quite as we might have wished? The hard reality is, surely, that for the likes of you and I, there is little choice other than to leave our fate, ultimately, in the hands of those great gentlemen at the hub of this world who employ our services. What is the point in worrying oneself too much about what one could or could not have done to control the course one’s life took? Surely it is enough that the likes of you and I at least try to make our small contribution count for something true and worthy. And if some of us are prepared to sacrifice much in life in order to pursue such aspirations, surely that is in itself, whatever the outcome, cause for pride and contentment.” (The remains of the day)

“It had never occurred to me that our lives, which had been so closely interwoven, could unravel with such speed.”

“Indeed — why should I not admit it? — in that moment, my heart was breaking.”

“…and I half closed my eyes and imagined this was the spot where everything I’d ever lost since my childhood had washed up, and I was now standing here in front of it, and if I waited long enough, a tiny figure would appear on the horizon across the field and gradually get larger until I’d see it was Tommy, and he’d wave, and maybe even call.” (Never Let me go)

“Your life must now run the course that’s been set for it.”

“Memory is quite central for me. Part of it is that I like the actual texture of writing through memory…”

“When we lost something precious, and we’d looked and looked and still couldn’t find it, then we didn’t have to be completely heartbroken. We still had that last bit of comfort, thinking one day, when we grow up, and we were free to travel around the counry, we would always go and find it in Norfolk…And that’s why years and years later, that day Tommy and I found another copy of that lost tape of mine in a town on the Norfolk coast, we didn’t just think it pretty funny; we both felt deep down some tug, some old wish to believe again in something that was once close to our hearts.”

“The problem, as I see it, is that you’ve been told and not told. You’ve been told, but none of you really understand, and I dare say, some people are quite happy to leave it that way.”


“There was another life that I might have had, but I am having this one.”

“As a writer, I’m more interested in what people tell themselves happened rather than what actually happened”

“You’re always in a rush, or else you’re too exhausted to have a proper conversation. Soon enough, the long hours, the traveling, the broken sleep have all crept into your being and become part of you, so everyone can see it, in your posture, your gaze, the way you move and talk.” (Don’t we all?)

CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE: JACK DISCOVERS THAT GOD IS REAL AND GIVES GRACE (UNMERITED FAVOR)!

On the eve of the last day of 2009, Jack was led to give thanks for the year. He looked back and without hesitation agreed that it was a year full of unmerited favor from the Almighty God, Whom he called Abba Father in his prayers.

He summarized below what happened to him when he sought God seriously through being led by the Holy Spirit:

1. He was led by the Holy Spirit to encounter the reality of God.

As a result, he learned to live differently. He attended a Prayer House to worship and pray instead of attending the usual services of a church. He attended seminars teaching him in practice how to wait upon God, worship God for hours and not feel bored or tired. He listened to teachings on the needs to keep one’s temple (the body, which is the temple of the Holy Spirit) holy (being separated from the worldly values and worldly beliefs and practices) for the indwelling Spirit of Christ. He learned how to keep his temple cleansed (through the regular and daily washing of God’s words, the Holy Spirit, and the presence of God).

2. He was led by the Holy Spirit to re-examine his faith and belief system.

As a result, he saw and admitted his religious failures in the past despite having been a committed evangelical Christian for over 25 years, reading Bible daily, attending church without fail and serving in Sunday school etc. faithfully. He had a lot of knowledge about what is right to do and made his best effort too, though without the power of the Holy Spirit (as the churches he attended preached Holy Spirit for mind knowledge and not in practice with power). He had been disillusioned over the years watching the weak churches, pastors, elders and members being attacked spiritually and succumbed. He admitted he had been guilty as he was part of the church system without making any effort to seek the Holy Spirit and cry for help!

3. He learned about the true church.

As a result, he sought God on his own at home and also attended a place where he found worshippers really seeking God, basked in God’s presence and instead of the “Thing” called church. As he continued to seek, he found the true church in the Acts of the Apostles. He shuddered at the thought that he had been so deceived and was part of the “Thing” for so many years. Without the Holy Spirit, church becomes the “Thing”!

4. He practiced as a member of the true church.

He learned that as he takes Holy Communion with the other believers of Jesus Christ, he becomes a member of the corporate body of Christ. Christ is the head of the body. The words Jesus spoke about His disciples abiding in Him and being one with Him as He is one with the Father in heaven become a reality. By this belonging, the body of Christ enjoys the authority (over all spiritual principalities, rulers and wicked forces in the heavenly realm) and all privileges of Christ who has given to His believers.

5. He learned to trust God (including believing the words of God and obey).

As he allowed himself to be led by the Holy Spirit, he found that gradually he could listen to what the Holy Spirit was saying to him. It was not in audible voice. Ideas (in visions/pictures, dreams and God’s words) came into his heart. He sought confirmation in the words of God. He learned to follow them.

He learned to communicate to God. His prayers changed. Unlike the former usual political correct prayers which he had uttered as he was expected to do so, he was led by the Holy Spirit to pray in ways he had never imagined before. He knew it was not his usual human effort that was in the pilot set anymore.

6. He learned to use a variety of spiritual gifts.

He prayed in the spirit. He sang in the spirit. He mingled his prayers with worship and praise songs. He exercised his faith and even prayed for the sick that were brought to him on a day when all the usual healing leaders were absent. He continued to read the Bible in new light under the tutorship of the Holy Spirit. He shared with (and perhaps taught) others through his writing what he had learned.

7. He lived by the Spirit (and by faith).

After listening to repeated teachings and reading the Bible about divine healing and divine health from Jesus, he stopped his medicine for nose allergy and high heart rate. By faith he believed he was completely healed. He now enjoys divine health.

Looking back, Jack marveled at the amazing things that happened. He has discovered the reality of God’s presence. He has learned that God responds to our prayers without hesitations. God loves us. Indeed, the Holy Spirit has responded to his request so fast that he was caught surprised.

Today he tells himself and all his readers that he is very happy because God is real! Holy Spirit is real. Jesus is real.

His New Year resolution is thus: Be real. Live in the Spirit.

2010-01-01

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN: THE GREAT WATER GATE REVIVAL REVELATION

"...all the people assembled as one man in the square before the Water Gate. They told Ezra the scribe to bring out the Book of the Law of Moses, which the LORD had commanded for Israel.

So on the first day of the seventh month, Ezra the priest brought the Law before the assembly, which was made up of men and women and all who were able to understand. He read it aloud from daybreak till noon as he faced the square before the Water Gate in the presence of the men, women and others who could understand. And all the people listened attentively to the Book of the Law.

Ezra the scribe stood on a high wooden platform built for the occasion. Beside him on his right stood … and on his left were …Ezra opened the book. All the people could see him because he was standing above them; and as he opened it, the people all stood up. Ezra praised the LORD, the great God; and all the people lifted their hands and responded, 'Amen! Amen!' Then they bowed down and worshiped the LORD with their faces to the ground." (Nehemiah 8:1-6)

What happened at the Jerusalem Water Gate when the Word of God was read was a great revelation to Jack.

Approximately 50,000 Israelites gathered in the open square in front of the Water Gate. This was the only gate that needed no repair. God’s word is always complete. All the people assembled as one man. They wanted to hear God’s word. As Ezra opened the Book, all the people stood up to show respect to God’s word. He read aloud for hours (at least six hours) and the people stood there and listened attentively. They then praised God, bowed down and worshipped God with their faces to the ground.
What zeal for spiritual food! What hunger for God’s word!

This is hardly seen today at the churches. 15 minutes of reading of God’s word is too much for many Christians to bear. 5 minutes of standing up is a torture. Lifting up of hands for 30 seconds invokes groaning and overt rebellion.

Why? Jack wondered. When he started his quest to live Biblically, he found it difficult to concentrate during his personal worship at home. He tried to lift up his hands but they seemed heavy like lead. He tried reading the Bible in chunks, say, for an hour or so, and he found that his mouth ran dry and his throat became sore. His eyelids could not stay open. When he tried to bow down with his face to the ground he almost fell asleep instantly. It was normal to behave this way, he thought.

However, God is merciful and indeed answered his quest to seek God as promised by Jesus. (Seek and you will find, ask and you will receive). As he continued to seek God in worship, prayer and reading the Bible, the Holy Spirit came forth and revealed to him more and more abut God and the wonder in God’s words. He learned to kneel for an hour without feeling pain. He learned to lift up his hands as a sign of total surrender to God. He learned to listen to God as he prayed in the spirit. He learned to read the Bible in chunks without feeling the length and the passing of time. In short, he has acquired a taste for God’s word like the people in the above mentioned revival at the Jerusalem Water Gate! He has dug into the depth of his own soul and discovered he has thirsted for the presence of God!

____________________________________________________
The following is from Jack’s excerpts of some of the many materials gathered during his study on the Jerusalem Water Gate:

“In Scripture, the Water Gate represents the cleansing work of the Word of God (John 15:3; Ephesians 5:26), the place where justice was administered, and also where oaths were taken. The Word of God and its cleansing power are taking center stage before us--with new hunger and longing in the heart of God's people. God's desire is to cleanse us from the past season with the washing of His Word and to give us new garments for this new season.” (read Zechariah 3:1-7)

The Water Gate was located next to the Fountain Gate and the Horse Gate. It is where the water was brought into the city from the various pools and wells. The Horse Gate represents the warfare necessary to pursue holiness. The Water Gate brings to view how God brings holiness and revival to His people. The Water Gate represents: Revival
“Revival resulting from the washing of the Word of God.” (Ephesians 5:25, 26; I Peter 1:23; Psalms 119:9, 10) The word “revive” in the Hebrew is Chayah which means “to refresh, rebuild, recover, be well, make alive.” It comes from a right relationship with God. This life comes from God’s word, “This is my comfort in my affliction, for your word has given me life.” (Psalms 119:50)

Nehemiah 8: 1-2: A hunger for the Word of God (excerpted from a writer)
Hunger intensifies. Ezra read the word from daybreak until mid-day, five to six hours. (Verse 3) The people didn’t notice the time. Their “ears were attentive unto the book.” True revival brings an all consuming hunger for God’s word. Absence of the word brings spiritual darkness. The word produces an inner response of man’s spirit. Ezra became so overwhelmed by what he read he stopped “to bless the Lord.” (Verse 6)

The Glory of God testifies to the power of His word to restore. The glory of God fell so powerfully everyone raised their hands and cried Amen! Amen! They bowed their heads and worshipped the Lord with their faces to the ground. (verse 6) They humbled themselves before God in brokenness and repentance. After a while they stood up to experience more.

Note: This gathering didn’t include any exciting stories nor illustrations. There was no great music – just the power of God’s word being read. God wants us to hunger for the words of life He offers!

Repentance follows application of the word to the heart. As they understood the word and how it applied to their lives, they began to mourn for their sin. “All the people wept when they heard the words of the law.” (Verse 9) Can you picture it? Fifty-thousand people laying scattered on the ground weeping before God for their sins. God’s word had broken down their walls of pride. They could be heard weeping for miles. This is true revival. God’s word so piercing that people fall on their knees and cry out, “God save me!”

Recommended Reading: 1 Chronicles 16:29; Romans 6:19, 22; 2 Corinthians 7:1; 1 Thessalonians 4:7,8.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX: VALLEY GATE REVISITED AND MORE MYSTERY REVEALED-JUDGEMENT AND MERCY

Reading more on this subject Jack found more stunning revelations that every Christian must know! He recorded and summed up his findings in his journal as follows:
Where is the Jerusalem Valley Gate? The Valley Gate overlooked the Valley of Hinnom and the Valley of Kidron. Kidron Valley is located along the eastern side of Jerusalem between the Temple Mount and the Mount of Olives. To the South of the city Kidron joins the Valley of Hinnom. The pool of Gihon is located in the Kidron Valley.
What is the spiritual meaning of the Valley Gate? The two valleys represented God’s judgment upon His enemies as well as his mercy.
The Hinnom Valley is noted for God’s judgment and destruction by fire. It was the scene of idolatrous practices in the days of King Ahaz (2 Ch 28:3) and King Manasseh who made his children to pass through the fire in the valley to worship the god Molech ( 2 Kings 23:10). It became a dumping place for destroyed pagan items (2 Ch 29:16, 30:14). After their return from the Babylonian exile, the Jews turned the Hinnom Valley into the city dump where garbage and anything deemed unclean (including the bodies of executed criminals) was incinerated. For that purpose, a fire was kept constantly burning there. Even though it was no longer used for evil worship, with all the filth and thick smoke it remained a very dark and dreary place. For that purpose, a fire was kept constantly burning there. In Matthew 23:33, Jesus observes, "Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of Gehenna?" The Hinnom Valley gave a vivid picture of what Gehenna (hell) would be like.
The Valley Gate, and the Kidron Valleys it overlooks, is associated with God’s Mercy. David first returned the Ark of the Covenant to this Valley. Wherever the Ark rested there was the Mercy Seat. Jesus rode his donkey from the Mount of Olives through the valley to His Triumphal Entry in Jerusalem. On the night of Jesus’ betrayal He left the city of Jerusalem and crossed through the Kidron Valley to the Garden of Gethsemane, to bear our sins and our judgment. Jesus became our Mercy Seat. In I John 2:2 we are told, “And He Himself is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but for also for the whole world.” The word “propitiation” means Mercy Seat Covering. The Mercy Seat is about “intercession.” He passed through the Valley to intercede for the world (including you and me).
Both Arabic and Jewish tradition identifies the valley of Hinnom with the valley of the Kidron. The entire valley, which includes the Kidron, beginning north of Jerusalem and ending in the Dead Sea, is called by the Arabs the Wady-en-Nar, or valley of fire. This tradition is strongly supported by the Old Testament’s references of burning idolatrous images and altars, where the dust and ashes of destroyed idols were cast, and where the uncleanness found in the house of the Lord was cast at Kidron which we would have normally expect of Hinnom Valley (more appropriate for burning such foul things).
Jesus, in going from Jerusalem to Gethsemane with his disciples, must have gone through the Kidron valley, (through Gehenna, the geographical symbol of hell). This assumption is based on the fact that the traditional site of the eating of the Last Supper was in the south-western part of the city. It seems reasonable to believe that Jesus and disciples would have avoided the city route, and thereby walked through the Kidron valley. The Hebrew word Kidron means dark, black, dusky, as described by Psalmist (Psa. 23:4):
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me."
Indeed at Gethsemane and later on the cross, Jesus passed through darkness and death and carried us through our Valley Gate. Our rubbish was burned and we are filled with His living water instead, as He declared to the Samaritans woman at the well,
“But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.” (John 4:14)
AAA Jack
21-Aug-09

chapter twenty-five Jerusalem Fish Gate Mystery Revealed (new)

Jack read with concern that almost every Biblical mention of the Jerusalem Fish Gate involved either corruption of the people; or its consequences. 2 Chronicles 33:14 recorded how King Manasseh repented (from idolatry), cleansed the city from false religion, and built a wall outside the City of David as far as the entrance of the Fish Gate. In Nehemiah 3:3 the sons of Hassenaah built the Fish Gate. In Zephaniah 1:10 God pronounced His judgment on Jerusalem in the future and would start from the Fish Gate: “And there shall be on that day,” says the LORD, “The sound of a mournful cry from the Fish Gate…” The public market place often reflected the spiritual state of the hearts.

Then Jack read John 21:1-11 “Breakfast by the Sea” and saw a different picture. In this passage, the resurrected Jesus showed Himself the third time to the disciples. The disciples led by Peter went fishing at the Sea of Tiberius whole night and caught nothing. Jesus came and asked them to cast the net on the right side of the boat, and they did, and now they were not able to draw it in because of the multitude of fish. This was on happy occasion. When Jesus dealt with fishy business He transformed them into miracles of His provision and undeserved favor! During Jesus’ ministry on earth He multiplied seven loaves and a few fishes into ample food to feed four thousand men plus women and children!

Jesus not only shepherded His sheep, He brought them to green pastures with clear water. He is a provider and sustainer of life on this earth and for eternity. When He asked the disciples to feed the thousands of crowd, He was not giving them an impossible task. He was pointing them to be Jesus-focus, the source of all good things. Thus, miracles happened. Food provided. Hearts changed. The sick healed. The weak strengthened. Even the smelly Fish Gate marketplace could become a pleasant one and bless those who walk through!

The following is a record from Jack’s earlier journal on his Biblical living quest. The Spirit led him to see the power of Jesus-focus. As he was struggling with the issue of weight, he realized that fearing having inadequate food was un-Biblical and baseless. The real issue lied in his heart not in his belly.


Journal day 51: Three days with nothing to eat
Today’s passage intrigues me. At least four thousand plus men besides women and children had nothing to eat for three days and they were still walking!

Matthew 15: 32 “I have compassion on the multitude, because they have now continued with Me three days and have nothing to eat. And I do not want to send them away hungry, lest they faint on the way.” Jesus told the disciples.

What were these people doing during the three days? Surly there is a clue as to how they had managed to survive during that period without food. In the same chapter, the Bible described the background activities. After Jesus rebuked the Jewish religious leaders for their hypocrisy, he went to Tyre and Sidon, where He healed the severely demon-possessed daughter of a Canaan woman, praising the mother for her great faith in Jesus. Canaanites were idol worshippers and enemies of the Jews. Yet the Canaan woman found great courage to come to Jesus as she was desperate and knew that all the idols she and her tribesmen worshipped all their lives could not save her daughter.

After that, Jesus departed from there, skirted the Sea of Galilee, and went up on the mountain and sat there. Then great multitudes came to Him. They brought the lame, blind, mute, maimed, and many others. They laid them at Jesus’ feet and He healed them all. The multitudes saw, marveled at the miracles, glorified and worshipped God.

So the great multitudes (four thousand men besides women and children) had spent their three days carrying their sick relatives and friends, following Jesus, walking long distance, climbing the mountain, listening to Jesus teaching about the kingdom of heaven, seeing Jesus (displaying His mighty supernatural power and healing them all), and worshipping God. In the presence of Jesus, the people saw God. They were awed. They were fed with spiritual food and filled. Jesus’ words were food. The people received life through His words (Spirit and life).

It is obvious that during the three days Jesus and His disciples had not eaten any food. Otherwise Jesus would have fed the multitudes miraculously just as He did previously when another group of people (five thousand men plus women and children) followed Him. So it was a big fasting gathering of thousands of people on the mountain!

Were they human? Yes. Jesus told His disciples that these people would be hungry and could faint on the way when they went home. As long as they were with Him, listening to His words, seeing Him displaying His power as the Son of God, and worshipping God, they would not be hungry. But they were human and would be hungry when they were away from Jesus. So Jesus fed them before they left, miraculously with seven loaves and a few little fish, multiplying these into abundant food.

My application:

After reading a book on fasting and prayers as the ultimate weapon to beat the devil, and real life testimonies of ex-patients who had been healed from terminal and other chronic diseases, broken relationship, and other failures, I have started learning to fast last week. I take a light lunch, skip dinner and drink water instead. Sometimes I take one glass of fruit and vegetable juice with milk in lieu of one meal. Whilst fasting I read the Bible and meditate on God and His words. It is refreshing to the soul. At first it was difficult and I kept thinking that I had gastritis pains. I resisted the temptation to take medicine.

Yesterday I woke up and found my old enemy, the back pain, emerged. I rebuked it and went on with my daily living Biblically. I resisted the temptation to take pain-killers after claiming the healing from Jesus. I refused to speak negative words giving the indication of any doubt/unbelief. In the afternoon when I felt the pain emerging, I read Romans chapter 8 again aloud in the bedroom. After that it subsided. In the evening I decided to spend time reading the Bible aloud. So I took the Romans chapter 8 and read again. Then I was led to read Isaiah chapters 58-66. After reading these, I received a phone call from a mother to urgently pray and intercede for her son (a young man) who is alone in a strange city. So I prayed and read the deliverance prayers for him.

Soon it was time for bed and I did not feel any hunger pang at all. I woke up refreshed and healthy today. I did not feel hungry even though I had fasted both lunch and dinner yesterday!

There is Biblical foundation for fasting. Many men and women of God did mighty works through fasting and prayers. When we fast, we are saying to the physical aspect of life that we are not to be dictated by it anymore. We are saying “no” to the body/flesh (five senses). We are saying “yes” to the Spirit. We learn to live by the Spirit. To be led by the Spirit and live according to the Spirit is the goal of victorious living of all Christians.

I find that my body becomes lighter and my mind becomes sharper when I fast. I feel more peaceful, happier and even more sensitive to the spiritual realm.

My advice to all who want to try is that you need to learn to reduce food intake bit by bit. Prior to this project I had reduced my meals by eating very light lunch and dinner. I cut down on snacks. I learn to drink water. It takes a lot of preparation physically.

The more important preparation is that you need to be convinced that the words of God are true. As you fast you need to spend time in the presence of God, reading His words, meditating on them, worship and sing praises to God. You also spend time praying and interceding for others. Sometimes I just listen quietly, close my eyes for a long time and see if pictures or words come into my mind.

My goal in this is not to seek sensational experiences. My only desire is to live Biblically and live out the kingdom life that Jesus has given to every believer. Why live as a beggar if you can live like a prince?

AAA Jack

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: PROFIT FROM HEARING GOD

Jack has been practicing for quite sometime and is able to hear God in certain ways. Of course he missed the still small voice most of the times and discarded what God has said to him in his heart. After the event happened he regretted. For example, the Holy Spirit reminded suddenly that he needed to make a phone call to ask his staff to top up his parking fee (by sixty cents). He chose to ignore that prompting. When he went to the car park five minutes later, he realized that he had received a notice to pay $30.00 as fine! He could only kick himself for not listening to the Holy Spirit.

More significant example was the purchase of a stock when the market was down and panic was everywhere. He was led to read Jeremiah being asked to buy a piece of land in the midst of the city being captured by the enemy army. Then he was led to buy a stock. It was a step of faith of learning to listen to and obey the Holy Spirit. Nine months later, he made a 27% profit in capital gain in addition to dividend received.

Little steps meant a lot to him. He is now more confident of listening to God in the spirit. God is Spirit. He can only listen to God through his spirit. it takes training and practice over a period of time.

But the persistence is worth it.

Journal day 86: hearing God’s words (practical novice guide)

I have learned through unusual (sometimes ridiculous) ways in my endeavor to hear God’s words. So I decide to sum up what I have learned for information and encouragement. Every person must learn to find his own way. When you see how God is so ever ready to be found, you will be comforted and motivated to seek to know God.
Jesus has portrayed God on earth. The best way to start to know God is to read everything about Jesus. Look carefully at Jesus. Read what Jesus says many times until you become familiar with what Jesus says. Read with the single goal of knowing Jesus. Pray that the Holy Spirit guides you.

When I first read Jesus seriously at the beginning of this series of record, I had a difficult time because I was not spiritual at all. I “knew” the Holy Spirit only in my head, not in my spirit. I used my head to read and thought I knew all about the words of God. It seemed a straightforward project like any others. How wrong I was.
However, as I progressed and persevered, things happened. I was changed. A number of things helped.

1. I bought a new Bible (New King James Version, Giant print, words of Christ in red) just for the quest. I started afresh, un-influenced by my past perception, like and dislike. Verses appear now as though I never read them before.

2. I write down notes.

3. As I receive new insights (words, verses, pictures/visions, dreams, hymns, songs, and messages from third parties) I record them (not always immediately as I felt lazy to get up from bed and so missed the chance). But what I had recorded helped me to know God more.

4. I pray for guidance from the Holy Spirit, ponder over the thoughts and search the Bible. I sometimes chew on the thoughts for days and wait for confirmation. When confirmation comes I would believe that my earlier thought comes from the Holy Spirit.

5. I practice what that I have learned from godly people. I practice until I find my own way.

6. I changed my life priorities, my goals, my perspectives. In fact, it was the Lord, I believe, who initiated the changes. As I put my quest before Him, He intervened supernaturally, put me on the right path and gave me the strength to carry through.

An entrepreneur told me that when he dreamed of new inventions or bits and pieces of new things, he would jump out of bed, draw the pictures, and jot down notes without delay. He is a shrewd business man who endeavors to keep track of his human thoughts to develop them into something ‘profitable’.

Much more we should keep track and make good use of the supernatural truth from heaven that the Holy Spirit put into our minds, and confirmed by the Bible. The businessman gropes in the uncertain market to find his way. But we have a sure guide and guarantee from the Holy Spirit. We have the certainty of the manual (the Bible) too.

The Holy Spirit guides by ways that He thinks will best suit each individual.

Pray you find the right key.

AAA Jack
May 27, 2009

CHAPTER TWENTY TWO: COME AND DRINK LIFE FROM THE WATER GATE

Jesus stood and cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.” John 7:37-38 (39: But this He spoke concerning the Spirit, whom those believing in Him will receive.)

Today Jack came to the Water Gate and pondered upon its meaning. Nehemiah 3:26 “Moreover the Nethinim who dwelt in Ophel, made repairs as far as the place in front of the Water Gate toward the east, and on the projecting tower.” The Water Gate tells about God, who is the source of the Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ. In the Old Testament water depicts the Holy Spirit. Spiritual meaning of the Water Gate is practical life in the Holy Spirit.

John 4:13 Jesus told the woman that whosoever drinks of the water that Jesus will give him shall never thirst; and it shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life. 1Peter 1:2 Peter addressed the “Elect according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, in sanctification of the Spirit, for obedience and sprinkling of the blood of Jesus Christ: Grace to you, and peace be multiplied.”
Living in the Holy Spirit has become a way of life, like drinking water. Without water one cannot live. Likewise, without the Holy Spirit, one’s spirit shrivels and becomes less and less alive. Jack has found that it is not difficult to live according to the Spirit.

He laments that many Christians have chosen to ignore the reality of the Holy Spirit and thereby live in constant fears, defeats, weakness and oppressions. They have the Holy Spirit in them like precious treasure, but they keep the jar under tight cover and refuse to open it for the light to shine forth.

He also notes that many churches criticize those which manifest the power of the Holy Spirit. Why? Because of fears and unbelief, just as Jesus has warned the disciples of. Unbelief is equivalent to perverse generation. To believe in the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit is natural and normal. Unbelief is perverse and abnormal.

Matthew 17:17 "O unbelieving and perverse generation," Jesus replied, "How long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy here to me."
Deuteronomy 32:20 “And He (God) said: ‘I will hide My face from them, I will see what their end will be, For they are a perverse generation, Children in whom is no faith.”

When churches accuse others of preaching the wrong gospel, they need to examine themselves as to whether their gospel is preached in accordance with what the Holy Spirit proclaimed through Apostle Paul, “For our gospel did not come to you in word only, but also in power, and in the Holy Spirit and in much assurance, as you know what kind of men we were among you for your sake.” 1 Thessalonians 1:5.
Without the manifestation of the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit, the letters (words) kill. Only the Spirit gives life. (2 Corinthians 3:6)

It is easy to distinguish between the real and the fake. Jesus asked us to look at the fruits. Jesus Himself demonstrated all the power of the Holy Spirit whereas the Pharisees and scribes had mere words. Look at your preachers. Do they have mere words? If so, flee. Why? Weak churches are under severe attacks from the devil. They are defenseless and easy preys.

As it is a matter of life and death, Jack urges all his brethrens to flee from deadly “churches” (mainly preachers and buildings with membership) and run to God (the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit) and the body of Christ (the real church with spiritual power to defend themselves against spiritual attacks). Stop reading or listening to lies and deceptive words from human mind (self-serving and serving the purpose of the enemy). Start seeking God yourself and let the Holy Spirit take charge and lead you to the right path.


Journal day 76: but we have this treasure in earthen vessels

Today I read something else (instead of the Gospel of Mark). The reason is that last night I had a dream that was quite unusual. I was a hobo or someone like that, pushing a cart and own a bicycle as well. The cart was full of dirty junks or things of no value. I slept in front of a retail shop that sells all sorts of things. Another man who seemed to be homeless as well came to me and asked me if I could help. He was a younger man and seemed to be shabby and needed a wash. I cleared a space for him and said he could sleep there. Then I went into the shop to buy a bar of soap. I cannot remember whether I wanted the soap for myself or for that poor man who badly needed a wash. The shopkeeper showed me a bar of simple plain soap wrapped in a piece of brown paper. He said the name of the soap was called, “Precious Jar” (sound like Chinese name). He told me it cost only 60 cents. He said it was very good and washed everything clean. I bought it and went out of the shop. But the other man was gone. Then I noticed that my previously clustered cart was empty and washed clean. I woke up thinking of two verses in 2 Corinthians 4:6-7.
“For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us.”

So I decided to read the second Epistle of Paul to the Corinthians today.
When I read the whole book, my attention was drawn to a key point which effectively answered my latest query. Yesterday in the car I was discussing a point that has been bothering me lately. I talked about my concern that we could only communicate with God through our spirit that in turn talks to the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is like a live wire. Our spirit is like a light switch. Without touching the switch we cannot access the live wire and cannot turn on the light (our communication to God). It is not that God deliberately makes it difficult for us. It is just the way we are made of after the fall of Adam (too preoccupied and dominated by flesh and things of this world that we have lost the ability to hear God in the spirit). The same thing happens when we pray. Somehow we touch our spirit which in turn switches on the access to God. The name of Jesus is like a key (to the Holy Spirit) that gives us the identity code for heaven receiver.

(Please do not think that I am writing a science fiction. I am just trying to understand God in my own limited human perception using familiar human terms. )
In the same Epistle, Chapter 1: 22, the Holy Spirit recorded through Paul that God has sealed us and given us the Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee (to inherit His promises). This was affirmed in a number of other Scripture verses. “Now He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who also has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.” (2 Corinthians 5:5) Ephesians 4:30 “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.” Paul spoke of those who have the first fruits of the Holy Spirit, eagerly waiting for the redemption of their body. (Romans 8:23)

As I have been concerned of who would be entering the kingdom of heaven, the answer is here. The person with the Holy Spirit will enter. The Holy Spirit is a guarantee. The Holy Spirit is like an identity card that entitles us to enter heaven. How do we know we have the Holy Spirit? Well, it is like having the “Precious Jar”. The more we seek God and enter into His presence, through worshiping, reading of God’s words, praying, or simply staying still and focusing on God, the more our spirits will be alert and be set attuned to the tempo of the Holy Spirit. The washing will come. The flowing of living water will come too. Like a light bulb being switched on, light will come out of you and life will not be the same.

What a strange dream. I thoroughly enjoyed reading the verses and finding God speak to me through His words.

AAA Jack
16-5-2009

chapter 21: be filled with the Fountain Gate

It is only fitting that after the awareness of one’s filth in the Dung Gate that one wants to be washed clean and be set free to live a victorious life. The Gate that Nehemiah and his team built after the Dung Gate was the Fountain Gate.

Neh 3:15 But the gate of the fountain repaired Shallun the son of Colhozeh, the ruler of part of Mizpah; he built it, and covered it, and set up the doors thereof, the locks thereof, and the bars thereof, and the wall of the pool of Siloah by the king’s garden, and unto the stairs that go down from the city of David. The pool of Siloam is where Jesus said to the blind man to wash up in John 7:9. At the time of Nehemiah and after it many washed (mikveh) themselves before they entered to temple area. Spiritual meaning of the Fountain Gate is the fountain of living waters and its source, who is God in the Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ.

John 7:38 “He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.” Jesus promised that in His believer’s heart will flow living waters (the Holy Spirit). Jesus said His words are life and spirit. The Word and the Holy Spirit come hand in hand. Hence Jack discovered that he can only be cleansed by the three things: the blood of Christ, the Word, and the Holy Spirit. The following is what Jack recorded on matters of being filled by the Holy Spirit.

Journal day 65b: how to be filled by the holy spirit?

After reading a non-believer’s quest of living one year biblically (regardless of his motives), I got down to thinking hard about my own daily living. Am I really taking God seriously? Am I living according to my belief in the Bible being God’s words? Is my faith real? Is my God real?

I decided to elaborate further on this topic. We know why we need to be filled by the Holy Spirit but we do not normally know how. Recently I have had the opportunity to personally observe two different types of filling process. (Please be led by the Holy Spirit as you read this. Do not take these as formula).

Two weeks ago a camp was arranged by a church (for pastors and church workers/leaders) to wait upon God and a 78 year old pastor was the sole speaker of the three days seminar camp. At night the meeting was opened to the public so I attended three night meetings. Every meeting started with a worship session followed by a short testimony of a pastor who had been through similar training before about how they were transformed in their relationship with God and how their churches were positively impacted too. The elderly speaker himself focused very much on teaching about the Holy Spirit. After the sharing of God’s words, he told us that he could feel the strong presence of the Holy Spirit and called all those who had not been filled to go to the front and be filled. Many people went and knelt at the front. They were lightly touched by those pastors who had already been filled. Many were filled and some lied down and could not get up. Some spoke in tongues. Some friends were among those who were filled. They told me that they felt a force (not the pastor’s hand) pushing them backward. One lady said she had to fall backward as the force was too strong but her feet were caught under her and she was stuck kneeling with her upper body leaning precariously backward. So she sat down. Then the force came again and she swayed and fell backward onto the floor and could not move for a long time after that.

In another recent incident, a 73 year old grandma was filled by the Holy Spirit and spoke in tongues. Her daughter was sharing the Bible with her, reading the whole Paul’s Epistle to the Ephesians (six chapters) and explaining to her the meanings. The old lady listened carefully. All this while another person was worshiping and singing old hymns in another part of the hall. At the end of the reading, a person suggested that the daughter pray for her mother to be Spirit filled as we perceived the old lady has faith. Prior to this, we had spent the afternoon and evening reading Bible, singing old hymns, praying (mostly in the Spirit), and worshiping God quietly. The presence of the Holy Spirit was by then very strong. So the daughter prayed by faith for her mother to be filled by the Holy Spirit. After the prayer, we prayed (in understanding and in spirit) that she could speak in tongue. Indeed the 73 year old lady spoke in tongue for about 20 minutes.
The grandma has had little formal education and has been baptized and become a Christian about two years ago and has been attending a very small traditional Presbyterian church that does not talk about the Holy Spirit except in scholarly/mind knowledge. The church pastor and congregation do not speak in tongues. But the grandma has a steadfast faith. She just believes without doubting. When she goes to church she does not know any hymn but she follows the others and sings the hymns anyway (a few words behind others). At home, when she hears her daughter singing the hymns she thinks they sound lovely and wants to sing along too. But she does not know the tune so she reads all the lyrics! When the daughter leads her to read the Bible, she would continue reading without feeling tired or bored and just goes on reading without regard for the time.

We observed three important things about her:
1. She really hungers and thirsts for the Lord and His words.
2. She believes without doubt that God is real and His words are real.
3. She trusts God completely.

In Matthew 5:6, Jesus says, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.” I believe the old grandma fits this category of Christians. She is indeed richly blessed!

AAA Jack
3-5-2009

CHAPTER TWENTY: BEWARE！JERUSALEM SERPENT WELL，DUNG GATE

Nehemiah 2:13 “And I went out by night through the Valley Gate to the Serpent Well and the Refuse Gate, and viewed the walls of Jerusalem which were broken down and its gates which were burned with fire.”

Lately, Jack is interested in why many Christians are weak, succumbs to sickness and live in defeat and fears. He reads that the Dung Gate describes how in practice the defilement in our bodies and minds should be rooted out and burn. Through the Dung Gate, trashes were taken out of Jerusalem, to a valley of Hinnom, where smelly, rotten and disease infested trashes were burnt. The Dung Gate spiritual meaning is that sin, like trashes, could defile and destroy our physical and mental being and must be cast out and burn.

Jesus described about how a person could be defiled in Mark 7:21-23, “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.”

Jack discovers that there is a spiritual link between the refuse in one’s heart and the Serpent. In his night inspection, Nehemiah had to go through the Serpent Well to get to the Dung Gate to view the damage of the Jerusalem walls. The defilement of our hearts (bodies and minds) is due to the whole world being under the control of the devil/Serpent (1 John 5:19). For example, there is no need to teach a child evil. The child simply acquires it through the world system.

How could a man’s heart be cleansed then? He has found that only God (His presence, the Son, the Holy Spirit and the Word) could cleanse our hearts. It is appropriate that the next Gate of Jerusalem is the Fountain Gate!

Nehemiah 3:14: Malchijah the son of Rechab, leader of the district of Beth Haccerem, repaired the Refuse Gate; he built it and hung its doors with its bolts and bars.
Sinner who repents and believes in Jesus is redeemed by the blood of Jesus (the Lamb of God). His heart needs to be continually washed and cleansed by the fire of the Holy Spirit and through the words of God. These are like the bolts and bars of the doors. Otherwise, a Christian is weak and can be subject to spiritual attack and defilement resulting in physical and mental illness, broken marriages, failed finances, disastrous relationship etc.

The following is a record in Jack’s journal, on his finding of such evidences of overt attacks on the body of Christ (the church).

Journal day 50: Things that proceed out of your heart matter

Matthew 15:3-7: “Why do you also transgress the commandment of God because of your tradition?” “Hypocrites!” The religious leaders and teachers criticized Jesus for allowing His disciples to eat without first doing their traditional religious ceremonial washing of hands. Jesus then rebuked them for looking at the forms of so called religious acts and not being sincere in their hearts in following the true intentions of God.

These men have chosen to devise traditions and rituals to supersede God’s original good intention. Jesus rightly scolded them as religious hypocrites. Jesus further explained to the disciples what he meant, as described above in Mark 7:21-23.
The religious leaders who were ardent practitioners of religious rites were in fact part of the worldly system. They did not know God or Jesus. They did not want to know. Whilst Jesus was showing what God is like (through His numerous teachings on the kingdom of heaven, His mercy and compassion on the multitudes, His healing and deliverance power over diseases and demons, His supernatural power over the natural forces etc.), they were busily plotting to murder Him, denying the mighty work of the Holy Spirit in Jesus.

My application:

What comes out of the heart determines what the mouth utters. What I feed my heart with determines what comes out of my heart. Biblically living means I need to feed my heart daily with sufficient good strong spiritual food, from the words of God. Feeding once or twice a week will make the spirit man starve.

I am now trying to fast one meal (dinner) a day during week days and it is not easy. The physical man cries out for food with hunger pang. All sorts of hunger-induced symptoms manifest themselves automatically. I even feel weak for much physical activity. I have to give myself a lot of excuses so I can break my fast by drinking rich liquid food or having not so light snacks… (Sigh)

One little meal shortage causes such havoc. What about the spirit man who lives on irregular minuscule meals? Is he starving to death quietly? Looking at my past Bible reading habit, I no longer marvel why I did not have the more abundant life that Jesus has promised to His believers.

My resolution now is to continue reading more of God’s words and less of the world’s words. I have given up reading/watching/hearing a lot of junks (newspapers, magazines, TV programs, conversations on worldly matters), to free up my mind and my heart. It is foolish to be feeding on rubbish and expecting treasures to come out.

A testimony:

There is indeed miraculous healing and deliverance power in the words of God.
Recently after the specialist doctors stopped all medications and pronounced any further medical treatment useless, we have played the audio Bible verses for about a week, to a bed-ridden dementia 77 year old man with water in the brain, who deteriorated fast reaching the point when he could not even swallow water, he woke and regained the functioning of his mind, his swallowing (including solid food now!), his ability to converse, to recognize people and remember their names, and to live his usual life on a wheelchair.

“My son, give attention to my words; incline your ears to my sayings. Do not let them depart from your eyes; keep them in the midst of your heart; for they are life to those who find them, and health to all their flesh. Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” (Proverbs 4:20-23) This is my motto now.

AAA Jack
17-4-2009

chapter nineteen: narrow gate and difficult way to heaven?

This is a life and death issue. Who can enter heaven? Reading what Jesus has said stirred Jack’s heart. He felt uneasy when thinking who can enter heaven. Obviously not everyone. Because Jesus mentioned that only through the narrow gate and difficult path can one enter.

He wanted to make sure he was one of them. What are the broad gate and easy way? What are the narrow gate and difficult way? The Gospel itself is easy to listen to and in fact too easy for one to believe. He found that those who did not believe often used the excuse that the Gospel of Jesus was too simple and easy. How then the difficulties come in? The Holy Spirit revealed that it was the simplicity that was difficult for people to accept. Unless one is like a trusting child, one cannot believe and thus sees the kingdom of God, Jesus said.

For those who do not believe in the supernatural, spiritual reality of God (the Father, the Son Jesus and the Holy Spirit), alas, no entry.

_________________________________________________

Journal Day 22-24 Enter by the narrow gate
Jesus spoke these famous sayings in Matthew 7:13-14 “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.”

When I first read theses many years ago, I decided not to ponder too much upon them as I could not reconcile my understanding of a kind and loving God Who does not want any one to perish with these rather exclusive words. Do they mean only some exclusive few could enter the kingdom of heaven? The idea does not make sense. As Jesus clearly stated that God loves the world (all people) so much that He gave His only Son (Jesus) to die for them so that those who believe in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

During these last three days I had been stuck with these verses. I cannot skip them as they are clearly an essential guide for my Biblically living. What does Jesus mean? Enter by the narrow gate? Who can enter? Who will be left out? Why the narrow gate?

I note the glaring contrasts: Few vs. many; Narrow vs. wide; Difficult vs. broad; and Life vs. destruction.

Based on these verses, the seemingly broad and easy way and wide and welcoming gate are destructive to lives. People have a tendency to choose the easy way. Many are therefore doomed. How frightening. Take note that these verses are recorded in the New Testament so we cannot say they may not be relevant today. Surly Jesus had meant exactly what He said.

My best strategy is not to ponder on the word “narrow” or the word “difficult”, but to focus on who can enter and how, and who cannot enter and why.

According to Jesus, in His teaching on the Mount of Olive, the kingdom of heaven and the status of children of God belong to those with these qualities: a humble heart, a heart that acknowledges own miserable conditions (and need God), a gentle heart, a heart that yearns for God’s righteousness, a forgiving heart, a pure heart (that focuses on the matters of God), a heart that draws others to God, and a brave heart (not afraid of the world’s ridicule and opposition).

In short, someone with a heart like the above is ready to believe and accept God’s salvation through Jesus. He will accept and truly enjoys the joy and gladness of salvation that king David spoke so much of. By confessing with his mouth that Jesus is Lord and believing in his heart that God has raised him from the dead, he will be saved. Jesus also promised giving the Holy Spirit to the believers. He declared to the crowds on the last day of the tabernacle feast, in John 7:37-38, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.” Only those who truly need God and believe in Jesus can thirst and thus receive the Holy Spirit! The apostle Paul also stated that the Holy Spirit is given to those who are saved as a seal/guarantee of their new status as children of God.

Who cannot enter and why? Jesus warned the crowds as follows:

“You will seek Me and not find Me, and where I am you cannot come”. (John 7:34) It is clear that people cannot simply enter the kingdom of heaven no matter how diligently they seek and how sincere they are in their seeking, unless they fulfill certain conditions. The condition is, they need to be known by Jesus.

“Not everyone who says to Me, Lord, Lord shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven.” “And then I will declare to them, I never know you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.” (Matthew 7:21,23)

He said this despite the fact that those people had prophesied, cast out demons, and done many wonders in His name. (Matthew 7:22) There are people who claim that they know Jesus because they take part in church services, activities, meetings, and so on. (Luke 13:26) but Jesus said, “I tell you I do not know you, where you are from. Depart from Me, all you workers of iniquity,” (Luke 13:27)

No matter how often and diligent those gifted people are practicing religion, in the eyes of God they have missed the mark. They are lawless and workers of iniquity. Proverbs described the characteristics of these people. They hated knowledge (of God), did not choose to honor and fear God reverently, would have none of the Lord’s counsel, and despised God’s every rebuke. (Prov. 1:29-30) “Then they will call on Me, but I will not answer; they will seek Me diligently, but they will not find Me.” (1:28)

The prophet Hosea also stated that the people (with their flocks and herds) shall go and seek the Lord, but they will not find Him; He has withdrawn Himself from them. Why? They had dealt treacherously with the Lord. They had begotten pagan children, indulging in pagan worship and idolatry. (Hosea 5:6-7) No one can practice pagan idolatry and seek God and at the same time.

Jesus said, “I am the door. If anyone enters by Me, he will be saved”. (John 10:9) Only Jesus has the key to life.

“I am the good shepherd; and I know My sheep, and am known by My own”. (John 10:14) Be His sheep is a sure way to be saved.

Jesus further strengthened this point about Him knowing His sheep and His sheep knowing Him by saying that they hear His voice and He calls them by name. They follow Him because they know His voice. They will by no means follow a stranger. (John 10:3-5) There is no excuse for anyone who says he cannot hear God and thus stray.

My application: continue to read the Bible, meditate and pray. Focus my goal to know God. Today I managed to read psalms 31-40. In Psalm 40, David said that he waited patiently for the Lord, and God inclined to him and heard his cry. He also said that God has opened his ears. He indeed heard and prophesied the arrival of Jesus the Messiah and proclaimed the good news! So far I have learned to wait with a bit more patience. I have also learned to listen to the still small voice in my heart. I was touched yesterday watching a movie on DVD about the homeless people. However I do not have any idea on how to reach out and help them. I once drove around the street and tried to find one homeless person whom I had helped find a job but he soon disappeared. I never found him and now I believe he could have needed medical or psychiatric care and I was occupied with giving him food, a new pair of glasses (as his old pair broke), lodging and a job instead. The lesson learned is I need to be more discerning in helping others. God is a discerning God. His Spirit will help me to discern wisely